Old Age and Revelations
It was back to square one. The Ambien experiment failed spectacularly, and even though I had only taken it for a few days, I felt subtle withdrawal symptoms for the next couple nights of sleep, and as a result didn’t sleep a wink.
What to do in the times between treatments? During these times I would go back to some of the basic bits of advice that my doctor and others tried to give me. This time, I took the television out of my room and rearranged my bedroom to fix the feng shui problems. I really don’t understand feng shui, and anyone who tells you they do is a liar. It’s ridiculously complex. Without the TV in my room, I just found myself staying up later in the living room. Then when my body told me that it was time to crash, I’d go upstairs, get on the bed, and lay awake.
At first, it seems like nothing’s going to keep you awake. You collapse on the mattress, pull up the covers, start taking deep breaths, and relax. But then something goes wrong. You still have your socks on, and the ankle bands are cutting off the circulation to your feet. After you take those off, there’s something not quite right about the angle of your neck, so you have to adjust the two pillows that you’re sleeping on so that just a few inches of the bottom pillow sticks out for your neck. Then it gets too hot. But taking off the covers makes it too cold. So finally, you kick one leg out of the covers, your neck feels right for now, and the temperature is decent. All that’s left to do is fall asleep. But now it’s getting late, and you have to be up in less than six hours. Since you didn’t sleep last night, you can’t go another night and still feel good in the morning. There’s a lot of pressure involved with that. There’s a lot of pressure involved with turning 31 as well, especially when you haven’t figured out what it is exactly that you want to be when you “grow up.”
My 31st birthday was coming up. Things were going well for me in general. Yes, I was going through a divorce, but the worst was behind me and the ex. We actually got along better than we ever had. I had a nice place, a nice car, my kids were doing well in school and in their sports, and I had a fun band to play with in my spare time. So even though the stress of becoming older was taking a toll on me, my stresses were probably lower than at any other time in my life to this point. I shrugged off the notion that I was getting old, or that my age was a factor in my quality of life. I wasn’t even sure if I was considered middle age yet.
For the purpose of one study on stress, the “middle age” adults were considered to be 40+ years old. The study, which was conducted by Dr. Marian Schultz of The University of West Florida, said that people aged 25-39 shared a relative level of frustration with day-to-day activities.
Even with this new knowledge, I couldn’t shake the idea that I was getting older, and my past of reckless behavior was going to cut my life short. Earlier I had mentioned that as a youngster who was wrought with all kinds of pressures and expectations, I was introduced to Crystal Methamphetamine by my friends as a way to cope. This addiction, as well as several other addictions in my life, continued until my mid 20’s. Some addictions were more harmful than others (painkillers more than alcohol, for example), and overall I thought I did a good job of functioning in society and raising children. Looking back, I know that this was a foolish and delusional perception of life. Drugs are something that certainly made me who I am, but at the same time, I wish I could take back some of the things that I’ve put in my body.
My doctor mentioned that my recent efforts to be completely clean may be one of the root causes of my insomnia, but certainly not the only cause. Even subtle withdrawals from alcohol and antianxiety medication can cause insomnia (5). It began to occur to me that my troubles with insomnia were not going to be resolved with any simple answer.
There’s the past issue: drugs and alcohol abuse can make one more susceptible to insomnia (6). Being concerned about this and my age doesn’t help. My mind races after finishing homework projects, and then there are the overall health issues I have to deal with. According to the nice trainer at the gym, I am about 20 pounds overweight for my body frame. I don’t exercise as much as I should, and I don’t eat as well as I should.
What to do in the times between treatments? During these times I would go back to some of the basic bits of advice that my doctor and others tried to give me. This time, I took the television out of my room and rearranged my bedroom to fix the feng shui problems. I really don’t understand feng shui, and anyone who tells you they do is a liar. It’s ridiculously complex. Without the TV in my room, I just found myself staying up later in the living room. Then when my body told me that it was time to crash, I’d go upstairs, get on the bed, and lay awake.
At first, it seems like nothing’s going to keep you awake. You collapse on the mattress, pull up the covers, start taking deep breaths, and relax. But then something goes wrong. You still have your socks on, and the ankle bands are cutting off the circulation to your feet. After you take those off, there’s something not quite right about the angle of your neck, so you have to adjust the two pillows that you’re sleeping on so that just a few inches of the bottom pillow sticks out for your neck. Then it gets too hot. But taking off the covers makes it too cold. So finally, you kick one leg out of the covers, your neck feels right for now, and the temperature is decent. All that’s left to do is fall asleep. But now it’s getting late, and you have to be up in less than six hours. Since you didn’t sleep last night, you can’t go another night and still feel good in the morning. There’s a lot of pressure involved with that. There’s a lot of pressure involved with turning 31 as well, especially when you haven’t figured out what it is exactly that you want to be when you “grow up.”
My 31st birthday was coming up. Things were going well for me in general. Yes, I was going through a divorce, but the worst was behind me and the ex. We actually got along better than we ever had. I had a nice place, a nice car, my kids were doing well in school and in their sports, and I had a fun band to play with in my spare time. So even though the stress of becoming older was taking a toll on me, my stresses were probably lower than at any other time in my life to this point. I shrugged off the notion that I was getting old, or that my age was a factor in my quality of life. I wasn’t even sure if I was considered middle age yet.
For the purpose of one study on stress, the “middle age” adults were considered to be 40+ years old. The study, which was conducted by Dr. Marian Schultz of The University of West Florida, said that people aged 25-39 shared a relative level of frustration with day-to-day activities.
Even with this new knowledge, I couldn’t shake the idea that I was getting older, and my past of reckless behavior was going to cut my life short. Earlier I had mentioned that as a youngster who was wrought with all kinds of pressures and expectations, I was introduced to Crystal Methamphetamine by my friends as a way to cope. This addiction, as well as several other addictions in my life, continued until my mid 20’s. Some addictions were more harmful than others (painkillers more than alcohol, for example), and overall I thought I did a good job of functioning in society and raising children. Looking back, I know that this was a foolish and delusional perception of life. Drugs are something that certainly made me who I am, but at the same time, I wish I could take back some of the things that I’ve put in my body.
My doctor mentioned that my recent efforts to be completely clean may be one of the root causes of my insomnia, but certainly not the only cause. Even subtle withdrawals from alcohol and antianxiety medication can cause insomnia (5). It began to occur to me that my troubles with insomnia were not going to be resolved with any simple answer.
There’s the past issue: drugs and alcohol abuse can make one more susceptible to insomnia (6). Being concerned about this and my age doesn’t help. My mind races after finishing homework projects, and then there are the overall health issues I have to deal with. According to the nice trainer at the gym, I am about 20 pounds overweight for my body frame. I don’t exercise as much as I should, and I don’t eat as well as I should.
